For He Is Like...

Today, I was doing the dishes. It's by far my least favorite chore, so it certainly shouldn't be a time of theological insight, but today, it was.

I was washing out my skillet. My roommate, Matt, has nonstick cookware, and I am slightly jealous of them. Whatever had been cooked in my skillet had been burnt, so I had the joyous task of scrubbing away a layer of black, burnt something.

As I was scrubbing, I realized that in one way, I am like the skillet. The skillet can't clean itself. In the same way, I can't clean myself, in the sense of purifying.

I've never been to a refinery. I should know more about it since my grandfather worked in a steel mill for over forty years. All I know is what I heard from a professor in college. He had heard from a silver refiner that you know the impurities are gone when you can see your reflection in the metal.

That's what I want for my life. I want people to look at me and see the Refiner. For a long time, I thought this could be done just by sheer force of will. I could remove my own impurities if I prayed enough or read my Bible more. I was wrong, however. The only way for me to be purified is by the Refiner's fire.

This is my prayer:
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

The Beginning of a Journey

A year ago today, I went to Mr. MVNU with a girl. It probably wasn’t the best idea for a first date. This girl and I had been talking a lot at that time, having grown closer through MVNU’s production of Guys and Dolls. She was playing Sergeant Sara Brown. I was playing Benny Southstreet.

The reason I say it wasn’t the best idea for a first date is because it’s kind of like taking a girl to a movie. There’s no real opportunity to talk. Add in the fact that I was singing in the band for a few songs and you pretty much have us just sitting in the chapel auditorium laughing at the skits.

After Mr. MVNU, however, we drove over to the parking lot of the Kokosing Gap Trail and just talked. We talked and talked and talked. Eventually, I told this girl of my feelings for her and she told me she was feeling the same way, which was a great relief to me. So, I asked her the question I had been longing to ask her for weeks: “Will you be my girlfriend?” Her answer was yes.

The past year hasn’t always been easy. Only four months after we started dating, I moved to Kansas City for seminary. She remains in Ohio, finishing up her undergraduate. There have been times since I moved here that I was willing to give it all up, tired of trying to make a long-distance relationship work. Yet, she was always willing to fight for our love.

I have been amazed at the love, grace, and forgiveness she has shown to me these past twelve months. I love her more now than I would have imagined was possible back then, and I’m still learning what that means. I’m learning what it means to love someone so much that you would lay down everything, even your life, for them. Before, I have always been only interested in my own satisfaction. While I felt feelings of love in some of my prior relationships, it was a selfish love. Now, I am trying to learn to love her in a selfless way.

Audra, you’re beautiful, kind, gracious, funny, and one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. Thank you for coming into my life, and thank you for staying with me through the storms…