Today, I was doing the dishes. It's by far my least favorite chore, so it certainly shouldn't be a time of theological insight, but today, it was.
I was washing out my skillet. My roommate, Matt, has nonstick cookware, and I am slightly jealous of them. Whatever had been cooked in my skillet had been burnt, so I had the joyous task of scrubbing away a layer of black, burnt something.
As I was scrubbing, I realized that in one way, I am like the skillet. The skillet can't clean itself. In the same way, I can't clean myself, in the sense of purifying.
I've never been to a refinery. I should know more about it since my grandfather worked in a steel mill for over forty years. All I know is what I heard from a professor in college. He had heard from a silver refiner that you know the impurities are gone when you can see your reflection in the metal.
That's what I want for my life. I want people to look at me and see the Refiner. For a long time, I thought this could be done just by sheer force of will. I could remove my own impurities if I prayed enough or read my Bible more. I was wrong, however. The only way for me to be purified is by the Refiner's fire.
This is my prayer:
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Sunday, April 20, 2008
The Beginning of a Journey
A year ago today, I went to Mr. MVNU with a girl. It probably wasn’t the best idea for a first date. This girl and I had been talking a lot at that time, having grown closer through MVNU’s production of Guys and Dolls. She was playing Sergeant Sara Brown. I was playing Benny Southstreet.
The reason I say it wasn’t the best idea for a first date is because it’s kind of like taking a girl to a movie. There’s no real opportunity to talk. Add in the fact that I was singing in the band for a few songs and you pretty much have us just sitting in the chapel auditorium laughing at the skits.
After Mr. MVNU, however, we drove over to the parking lot of the Kokosing Gap Trail and just talked. We talked and talked and talked. Eventually, I told this girl of my feelings for her and she told me she was feeling the same way, which was a great relief to me. So, I asked her the question I had been longing to ask her for weeks: “Will you be my girlfriend?” Her answer was yes.
The past year hasn’t always been easy. Only four months after we started dating, I moved to Kansas City for seminary. She remains in Ohio, finishing up her undergraduate. There have been times since I moved here that I was willing to give it all up, tired of trying to make a long-distance relationship work. Yet, she was always willing to fight for our love.
I have been amazed at the love, grace, and forgiveness she has shown to me these past twelve months. I love her more now than I would have imagined was possible back then, and I’m still learning what that means. I’m learning what it means to love someone so much that you would lay down everything, even your life, for them. Before, I have always been only interested in my own satisfaction. While I felt feelings of love in some of my prior relationships, it was a selfish love. Now, I am trying to learn to love her in a selfless way.
Audra, you’re beautiful, kind, gracious, funny, and one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. Thank you for coming into my life, and thank you for staying with me through the storms…
The reason I say it wasn’t the best idea for a first date is because it’s kind of like taking a girl to a movie. There’s no real opportunity to talk. Add in the fact that I was singing in the band for a few songs and you pretty much have us just sitting in the chapel auditorium laughing at the skits.
After Mr. MVNU, however, we drove over to the parking lot of the Kokosing Gap Trail and just talked. We talked and talked and talked. Eventually, I told this girl of my feelings for her and she told me she was feeling the same way, which was a great relief to me. So, I asked her the question I had been longing to ask her for weeks: “Will you be my girlfriend?” Her answer was yes.
The past year hasn’t always been easy. Only four months after we started dating, I moved to Kansas City for seminary. She remains in Ohio, finishing up her undergraduate. There have been times since I moved here that I was willing to give it all up, tired of trying to make a long-distance relationship work. Yet, she was always willing to fight for our love.
I have been amazed at the love, grace, and forgiveness she has shown to me these past twelve months. I love her more now than I would have imagined was possible back then, and I’m still learning what that means. I’m learning what it means to love someone so much that you would lay down everything, even your life, for them. Before, I have always been only interested in my own satisfaction. While I felt feelings of love in some of my prior relationships, it was a selfish love. Now, I am trying to learn to love her in a selfless way.
Audra, you’re beautiful, kind, gracious, funny, and one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. Thank you for coming into my life, and thank you for staying with me through the storms…
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
It's Christmastime
In both the church/chapel services I've attended and in the blogs of my friends, a lot of people have really been knocking on Christmas. Not so much the holiday but rather the consumerism that is linked to this holiday. I was really getting into this mindset and then I read this quote and it really challenged me:
"It might be easy to run away to a monastery, away from the commercialization, the hectic hustle, the demanding family responsibilities of Christmas-time. Then we would have a holy Christmas. But we would forget the lesson of the Incarnation, of the enfleshing of God - the lesson that we who are followers of Jesus do not run from the secular aspects of Christmas just as the early Christians baptized the Christmas tree. And we do this by being holy people - kind, patient, generous, loving, laughing people - no matter how maddening is the Christmas rush ..." (Andrew Greeley)
I find it really easy to poke fun at those Christians who want to separate themselves from the world. I think in my mind that they are actually sinning in a way because they make themselves so irrelevant that they could never reach anyone that was lost. Yet, I found myself in danger of doing the same thing during this Christmas season. How do we engage the world and disengage consumerism at the same time? I guess I'm not really sure. I don't think we should completely abandon the practice of gift-giving. There is something sacred in saying, "I bought this for you because you mean something to me." I hope we don't just buy our families, friends, and other loved ones gifts because it's Christmas so we have to. I hope we buy each other gifts as a recognition that we are meaningful to one another, so buying you a present is just a recognition that you are often on my mind and I care about you.
I'm willing to admit that I could be completely wrong and that the practice of gift-giving at Christmas should be ignored. No matter what on that issue though, let's remember that God gave us the ultimate gift, however cliche that statement is. Jesus was born. He lived, and He died to take away our sins and to bring us freedom from those things we are enslaved to. May we never forget and may God help us point others to that reality.
"It might be easy to run away to a monastery, away from the commercialization, the hectic hustle, the demanding family responsibilities of Christmas-time. Then we would have a holy Christmas. But we would forget the lesson of the Incarnation, of the enfleshing of God - the lesson that we who are followers of Jesus do not run from the secular aspects of Christmas just as the early Christians baptized the Christmas tree. And we do this by being holy people - kind, patient, generous, loving, laughing people - no matter how maddening is the Christmas rush ..." (Andrew Greeley)
I find it really easy to poke fun at those Christians who want to separate themselves from the world. I think in my mind that they are actually sinning in a way because they make themselves so irrelevant that they could never reach anyone that was lost. Yet, I found myself in danger of doing the same thing during this Christmas season. How do we engage the world and disengage consumerism at the same time? I guess I'm not really sure. I don't think we should completely abandon the practice of gift-giving. There is something sacred in saying, "I bought this for you because you mean something to me." I hope we don't just buy our families, friends, and other loved ones gifts because it's Christmas so we have to. I hope we buy each other gifts as a recognition that we are meaningful to one another, so buying you a present is just a recognition that you are often on my mind and I care about you.
I'm willing to admit that I could be completely wrong and that the practice of gift-giving at Christmas should be ignored. No matter what on that issue though, let's remember that God gave us the ultimate gift, however cliche that statement is. Jesus was born. He lived, and He died to take away our sins and to bring us freedom from those things we are enslaved to. May we never forget and may God help us point others to that reality.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Indian food, UPS, and R&R
Welcome to my blog, whoever is reading this.
I'm assuming that if you are willing to read my thoughts, you already know me, so no long introduction is necessary. If you don't know me, you'll get to know me as you read this thing, or at least that's my hope.
To start, I'd just like to post about what has been going on lately in my life. On Monday, I went out to eat for lunch with Matt Collins and Amber Tink. We went to an Indian buffet. I didn't really know what to expect, having never eaten Indian food before and being notoriously picky when concerning my palate. I actually loved the food, and what's more, I absolutely loved the company. I at one point stopped and told Matt and Amber that they had to be my two most interesting friends. The discussion was randomly diverse, funny, poignant, and it made my day. While I am excited for Amber's opportunity to serve the blind, I'll miss her. I wish I had been able to spend more time with her while she was still in Missouri.
UPS is okay. It's an interesting dichotomy. I love the people I work with; I hate my job. I figured out the other day that on a slow night I move ten tons of packages by hand. On a heavy night I move about seventeen. It'll probably be over twenty during peak season.
But the guys I work with make up for it. They call me "Rev." (Ask me how they found out I'm a minister. It's rather funny.) For the first time, I'm really learning what it means to be Salt and Light. The guys have really been open to talking with me about spiritual things, which has been really encouraging. In my first conversation with one of the guys, he told me that he'd been clean from marijuana and heroine for ten days. Would he have done that if I wasn't "Rev"? I don't know. I'm just hoping I can keep pointing them to Jesus.
The guys I work with or why I'm torn about a decision. Dayton Freight, where Matt works, is now hiring dock workers. The pay is over 15 dollars an hour. Right now I make $8.50 at UPS. Plus, I'd just be driving a forklift instead of having to lift everything myself. At the same time, I don't want to leave my co-workers.
What do you think I should do?
It's Reading and Research Week for NTS, but I'm taking it as Rest and Relaxation. I've watched some movies, played some video games, done some reading, listened to some podcasts, and attempted to get some things done around the house. I've even done a minimal amount of schoolwork.
I'm really loving NTS. A lot of the classes have really sparked some things in my thinking, but I'll share those later. I feel like this is probably too long already.
I'm assuming that if you are willing to read my thoughts, you already know me, so no long introduction is necessary. If you don't know me, you'll get to know me as you read this thing, or at least that's my hope.
To start, I'd just like to post about what has been going on lately in my life. On Monday, I went out to eat for lunch with Matt Collins and Amber Tink. We went to an Indian buffet. I didn't really know what to expect, having never eaten Indian food before and being notoriously picky when concerning my palate. I actually loved the food, and what's more, I absolutely loved the company. I at one point stopped and told Matt and Amber that they had to be my two most interesting friends. The discussion was randomly diverse, funny, poignant, and it made my day. While I am excited for Amber's opportunity to serve the blind, I'll miss her. I wish I had been able to spend more time with her while she was still in Missouri.
UPS is okay. It's an interesting dichotomy. I love the people I work with; I hate my job. I figured out the other day that on a slow night I move ten tons of packages by hand. On a heavy night I move about seventeen. It'll probably be over twenty during peak season.
But the guys I work with make up for it. They call me "Rev." (Ask me how they found out I'm a minister. It's rather funny.) For the first time, I'm really learning what it means to be Salt and Light. The guys have really been open to talking with me about spiritual things, which has been really encouraging. In my first conversation with one of the guys, he told me that he'd been clean from marijuana and heroine for ten days. Would he have done that if I wasn't "Rev"? I don't know. I'm just hoping I can keep pointing them to Jesus.
The guys I work with or why I'm torn about a decision. Dayton Freight, where Matt works, is now hiring dock workers. The pay is over 15 dollars an hour. Right now I make $8.50 at UPS. Plus, I'd just be driving a forklift instead of having to lift everything myself. At the same time, I don't want to leave my co-workers.
What do you think I should do?
It's Reading and Research Week for NTS, but I'm taking it as Rest and Relaxation. I've watched some movies, played some video games, done some reading, listened to some podcasts, and attempted to get some things done around the house. I've even done a minimal amount of schoolwork.
I'm really loving NTS. A lot of the classes have really sparked some things in my thinking, but I'll share those later. I feel like this is probably too long already.
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